God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she told me i tasted like america
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
