kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
