it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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