just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
