Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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