and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
