Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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