I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my poor anus
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
