This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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