I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
