It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
