All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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