no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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