I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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