Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
