I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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