I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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