The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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