Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
