She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
