If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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