there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
