Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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