Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
