Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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