Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
