Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
