Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
