i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
