Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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