I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
