Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
