didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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