I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish you could order shots online.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We are two peas in an std pod
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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