You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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