i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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