Someone shit on the floor
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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