my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
