I faked an abortion last night.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
