Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
