Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
