good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
