Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
