he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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