remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
