God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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