how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
