i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he puts the penis in happiness.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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