I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
