help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Houston, we have a blender
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
