you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
